DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A BRAIN DUMP. NO FILTER OR EDITING.
Hi, my name is Stephanie, and I'm addicted to food. Not just any food. Well, really it isn't food. I'm addicted to junk. I'm addicted to junk, and I feel like crap! There I said it! I love junk! All things processed. Ice cream. Chips. Soda. Fruit snacks. Cookies... Junk. "Food" that has been basically invented in the last 100 years. I'm totally an addict. I've tried to stop in the past. I stopped sugar cold turkey for a few weeks. When I had sugar again, my desire for sugar was worse than before. I went on a totally non-processed, non-gmo (corn and soy), non-dairy diet. Yeah...it lasted a month before I got so tired of ratatouille, and curry that I totally lost it and binged my way back to my starting weight and beyond.
What is my deal? Why am I like this? It seems that no matter what I try I always end up with the same problem. I love junk, I want junk, I crave junk. I know it's not good for my body. I know what I need to do. But every time I try, I end up feeling like a failure. You see, I am a very all or nothing type of person. I'm totally committed, and if I make a mistake, it is so easy for me to throw my hands up in the air 'cause I blew it, and give it all up. Counting calories? Don't even get me started. It's bad guys. It's really bad.
I mentioned before that I feel like crap. I do! I'm so so tired. I feel grumpy. I am quite positive my hormones are out of whack. I was very depressed after having Josh, and I am starting to feel it coming on now. I often feel sick to my stomach. I feel heavy (well, I am at the heaviest (not pregnant) weight I've ever been, So I don't know why I somehow expect not to??). All this despite regular exercise. Also, I think I may be developing hypothyroidism. I don't want to be this way. I used to be much happier. Much more patient. What happened? Well, some might say I have three kids, and I just had a baby so go easy on myself. Yeah, I did just have a baby 6 months ago!! I'm sorry, but I should be at the point where I'm able to handle things.
I have come to the conclusion that I cannot live like this anymore! I have been working on devising a plan. Some way that I can snap out of it. Some way to change my life. You know, you hear a lot of weight-loss success stories, and the most successful ones have one thing in common: no processed foods or sugar, and a whole lot of fruits and vegetables. But some diets have weird restrictions. And things that I think are unnecessary. For example, if you are doing a certain diet and have to take supplements? That is a red flag to me. I believe that if I am eating as God intended me to eat, I won't have to take supplements. So I've come up with something that I think will work for me. Something I will gradually fine-tune and perfect until it is working well for me and my family. For now, it is a whole foods, plant based diet, with some exceptions.
This is what is going through my mind right now:
-Limit processed foods. If it's not a plant based food, it's probably processed. If it is a plant based food, it could still be processed, but probably not as much.
-Limit sugar. Especially white sugar. If you must sweeten things, use honey (as raw as you can get it), and perhaps maple syrup.
-Limit meat and poultry. I like meat, I do. But as much as I like meat, I don't think I need nearly as much as I'm eating. If I do eat meat, I want it to be from a cow or chicken that had a good life. None of this slaughter-house never see the light of day, antibiotics pumped, meat that is sold in most markets today. Call me hippie or granola-y, but that's how I feel. Side story: At church one Sunday, we were talking about the Good Shepherd. The sister teaching was Navajo and shared a story of her Aunt. A shepherdess. Her aunt knew each individual sheep or goat. When the time came for an animal to be slaughtered, she would calm it down, talk to it about it's life and personality, and finally thank it for it's life. After that, there was no struggle, and the animal gave itself up. Amazing huh? Obviously, not all farm raised, grass-fed beef/chicken/pork story is going to be this way, but it made me remember that animals are living, breathing beings with personalities, and we as humans are supposed to protect and provide for them. In the word of wisdom, it mentions that meat should be eaten sparingly, in times of winter and famine. And that is just what we are going to do. HOWEVER: We will be eating fish. Wild-caught as much as possible. (Thanks Nathan!) Farm raised fish have a pretty crummy life too. :(
-Limit dairy products, unless it's straight from the cow. You know, the kind that says "not for human consumption on it? Yeah. That. Honestly, I will be quite happy with plant based milks. (Almond, cashew, and rice to name a few.) Cheese is going to be the hard part. But I feel so much better when I am not eating a lot of dairy. I was going to say it will be hard to live without ice cream, but there are ways to make it a plant based affair. :)
-Eat as many fruits and vegetables as you want. No calorie counting allowed!
-Eggs are ok as long as they are free range, from the farmer eggs. We know a man that is swimming in the eggs made from his chickens, so we are good there. We eventually want to raise chickens, so it won't be a problem later.
-WHOLE Grains, tubers, and nuts are totally allowed!
- Be as self sufficient as possible. It is our dream to one day be able to live totally off the grid if we wanted to. If this dream is ever to become a reality, I need to work on it now. That means no store-bought bread, and becoming more granola-ish than I ever thought I would be. But here I am.
-If you really, really want it, leave home. Ok, that sounds cruel, but I'm talking about cravings here. Ice cream in particular for me. Meat for Daniel. We have decided that if it is a craving we've had for a few days, it is ok to indulge a little. But not at home! (Unless I make it myself, following our rules.) If I want ice cream, I can have a little, but no more 1/2 gallon cartons! Only small, over-priced single servings at our favorite local ice cream shop. That way, it will be hard on the wallet, and we won't do it as much as we would if we could just bring it home. It's also better ice cream. :)
So I think this is about it. It seems really long and limiting, but as far as I can tell, this high-processed diet that industrialized countries have gotten into is no good. Now, are there some exceptions? Of course. Are we going to be food snobs? NO WAY! But at home, this is how it will be. The truth is, I can't live the life I am leading anymore. I'm worried for my health, my husbands health, and my kids health. I want to change when I am young and it's easy. I want to run and not be weary and walk and not faint. I want the blessings that come from leading a healthful and active life. This is not something I've just thought about today, or even this past week. I've been thinking of it for months. Years even. It is time.
